


Collection of non-fandom poetry things

by elizaria



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 16:04:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15537876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizaria/pseuds/elizaria
Summary: I used to write these streams of consciousness, drabbles, poetrythings on my Livejournal & I just wanted to save them in one place. They're probably a bit melodramatic considering how long ago I wrote them, but it's been 15 years since so it's forgiven..





	1. Softly kill my pain

Softly kill my pain

  
  
The stones inside  
the heart,  
inside the soul  
grinding flesh  
opening sores  
hurting it's keeper  
  
The burden of sin  
weighing your soul  
one pound at a time  
  
Sacrifice for the altar  
or shrug it off?  
  
Submissive   
to the laws you create yourself  
windows covered  
with barrs of neglect  
neglect for yourself  
for your wishes


	2. Silver box

Silver box

  
Sorrow is hidden deep within the chambers of the human heart.  
In every raindrop we see a tear.  
In every shadow there is a weight  
pressing down on our conscience.  
Sorrow can be treasured and locked inside a silver box.  
It's a cold and sparkling shiny shell  
shone purity and happiness outwards  
but contains darkness warm and seering hot.  
  
Tearing through your aching bones  
the gnashing world left bleeding  
for you to dig deeper  
to stick your fingers into its depth  
and wrap your skin around.  
Your only armor to the unyielding  
unsympathetic world outside.  
  
Revel in its gory taste  
and keep the pain alive.  
Cause to some sorrow is a way of life  
a wound not meant to be closed  
a wound that cannot heal.


	3. in vain

sometimes you're twisting the knife in vain  
trying to stop the pain  
pain of illusions  
shattered between dreams

  
Headsick, heartsick

soulsick

all words  
describing the unnamed  
of not knowing  
where to turn when walls surround you

hold him close  
when he shuts you out  
pushing away

comfort hurts  
when you're not sure if you deserve it

when words don't mean a thing  
as it cannot stop the roar inside

howling things you don't dare to speak out loud  
burning inside  
wallowing in a pain chosen  
but cannot choose to stop

it's taken a life of it's own and doesn't release you

sweet words sounds poisonous  
because of mistrust  
breeding inside

hurting the ones you care about  
trying to stop them to care

because guilt feeds the thoughts  
of being alone the simpler thing

no one to care about  
no one to hurt you

no one you cause more pain  
to see eyes filled with it breaks things inside

Things you thought were too solid to break

made of stone you thought  
but instead just a shell as easily cracks  
to show the soft fleshy vulnerable inside

You don't want their touches on the soft side of things  
they might think they're safe there  
but the sharp edges soon close around them  
cutting them  
because they didn't leave in time


	4. Delusion is a dangerous thing baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one was obviously inspired by listening to Disturbed...

Delusion is a dangerous thing baby

 

Are you there?  
Are you listening?  
Or do you only see what you want to see?  
  
Your sweet innocence  
is like a drug  
to the greed in me  
  
I want to open you up  
I want to explore  
I want to see how long you can stay soft  
with me around  
  
Your eyes so blue  
the way you look at me  
only see what you want to see  
someone in need of rescue  
when soon  
you'll be the one in need  
  
Explore the want  
dive into greed  
hearts of blood  
and black as dirt  
  
You'll soon be changed  
no longer clouded by innocence  
  
Delusion is a dangerous thing baby  
wrap it around you  
like a cloak  
I can tear off  
rip into  
and turn to shreds  
  
White has turned to grey  
filth in your mind  
red lips swollen  
holds marks from my teeth  
  
A caress  
A moan  
  
Tears sliding slipping   
down the column of your throat  
the red pulse beating  
in fear?  
in hunger?  
  
I want you  
I need you  
crave you  
  
Don't deny me


	5. Smog

Smog

 

My mind falls flat on empty ground  
Emptiness and lack of thought rule me  
Movement slow  
Thinking painful  
The sun is shining  
All I see is grey  
The grey state of mind  
  
Forced movements  
Forced thoughts  
Piling up on me  
Crawling, creeping inside  
  
The world is slowing in  
and me with it


	6. Red

Red

 

I can hear your call  
the need screaming it's want  
the forest turns to red  
in shades of desire  
  
Blinded by frenzy  
the feeding of souls  
craving victims  
  
tear out the heart  
watch it bleed  
  
seducing blood  
domination in red  
black of night  
and grey of tainted souls


	7. Frostbite

Arms holding tight  
Skin so hot it burns  
  
Every breath tickles my skin  
and I wish this forever  
  
but then the chill comes  
an aching wind  
cold heart  
cold eyes  
  
looking at me  
  
making my eyes grow hot  
scalding tears want to fall  
  
but it will burn  
more than I can take  
  
so swallow them  
till it aches inside  
the lump  
choking  
grinding every word  
into dust  
coating my lips  
my heart  
my soul


	8. Venomous

He comes crawling,  
the snake,  
instigator of my sins.  
  
No matter how you   
crawl, shiver, weep.  
No trust anymore  
for you to destroy.  
No blue eyes,  
no naivite for you to corrupt.  
  
I see you tears for what they are.  
Crocodiles.  
They've lost their bite.  
  
Fangless, toothless, harmless.  
I remember you.  
Everything you tell me I know.  
  
You made me happy.  
It was all a lie, and I know that now.  
  
Don't come here   
and tell me to remember.  
  
Begging will only give you bruises  
on your knees.  
  
Come closer,  
I will tell no lies.  
  
You think of me  
soft,  
but the spot I had for you  
has thorns  
wanting your blood.  
  
Tears isn't enough.  
  
A grown man on his knees,  
pretty  
...  
but not enough.  
  
Hold on tighter,  
if you still dare to stay.  
You want punishment?  
Absolution for your sins?  
Are you ready to pay the price?  
  
To make you bleed.   
To make you weep.  
Your skin makes pretty roses  
in blue  
in red  
in pink.  
The stems a darker tone.  
  
Tugging at your bonds,   
hiding your face  
behind hair so soft  
curling around my fist.  
  
I don't want you to hide,  
watch,  
see,  
look at me.  
Your lips tremble  
I want to capture them,  
mark them,  
make them mine.  
  
Submission,  
and want is here again.  
I'll be the master this time.  
  
You shiver,  
cry,  
beg.  
  
This is what you made,  
this is your creation,  
your adaptation.  
I've grown into my skin.  
  
How do you like me now?


	9. Best friends forever?

I hear her voice  
and it hits low  
under the rib-cage  
where my worries lie

  
Places her words touch  
are heart and soul  
She tells me no lies  
but I wish they were  
  
I wish I could say things  
better things  
promise that I could take the pain away  
  
That I could remove obstacles  
that I could hurt  
wound them as they have wounded her  
  
I feel the sadness roll in  
the moment I hear her tone change  
I can instantly see  
picture inside  
the way I know her eyes   
her hands trembling  
but she tries to hide it  
grabbing a cigarette  
holding a glass  
curling them in her lap  
  
I know that voice on the verge of tears  
I know it drenched  
by sorrows  
so filled with hurt  
that I wonder the words can even form  
  
Cold, so cold it can be  
cruel in it's truth  
ruthless  
as if she tries to make me scared  
  
She does  
make me scared  
worried  
haunted by her memories  
  
but she thinks I'll run and hide  
sometimes I want to  
sometimes I want to so bad  
so bad to wish that I didn't know her  
that I could stop the words coming out of her mouth  
  
they wound me  
becuase I know how much hurt they hold  
how much I worry about her when I know I should cut myself off  
  
Cutting makes you feel better  
but only temporary  
because in the end you're right back where you started  
wanting to comfort  
  
She's made me jaded  
in areas I never though i could be  
callous about her memories  
becuase I need to be  
to be there for her  
supportive  
and not break under pressure  
  
How can one person hold so much pain  
so much history  
so much human darkness  
  
Maybe that's why she loves life so much  
becuase she tried to end it  
  
She holds so much happiness  
so much love for her friends  
so much regret for telling  
that she wants to pay you back  
for enduring her friendship  
  
She cares too much  
I think  
She told me I need to soften  
  
Not alike we are  
not at all  
but still we've managed  
  
Somtimes I wonder whether it's pity that keeps me  
  
It makes me think I'm not so good a friend  
But it's what I am  
and she never knows this  
nor this  
turning my thoughts into words  
  
She thinks I'm too quiet at times  
she wants me to lean on her as she leans on me  
she wants to feel she's not only a weight  
but a strength  
  
I am what I am  
I can't change that  
  
I know I can never say those words  
We shouldn't be friends anymore  
Because friends brings mutual joy  
and I usually feel sadness  
  
So maybe it is pity, maybe it's keeping a promise  
But it's a choice of mine  
and I've made it  
I'm staying

 


	10. Burning with you

Burning  
Needing  
Hating  
  
One creates the other.  
  
The way your breath tickles my skin  
the sound of your chuckle when you know what you do to me  
your grin as you walk away  
leaving me hanging  
  
in a limbo you created  
by casual touches  
that holds a meaning only you know.  
  
I want more.  
No, I don't.  
Yes I do.  
I hate you.  
I desire you.  
  
No,  
just your touch  
your skin on my skin  
your tongue eating me up from inside.  
  
Not like now  
when all it does is slash  
hurt  
makes me bleed.  
  
Blood that only I can see  
hiding in tears I cannot shed.  
  
You make me weak!  
  
I hate you.  
I crave you.  
  
I want to punch that smile of your face.  
I want to be the reason for you to smile  
but not like this.  
Not as an amusement.  
Your amusement  
your laugh  
at my expense.  
  
Because I feel what I feel.  
  
I want to grab you  
hold on  
twist you into the same desire that burns me  
scalds me  
skins me alive  
  
leaving me unprotected  
flayed.  
  
Open for you to hurt me.  
  
And still I can't stop.  
I can't make myself stop.  
  
Your hands with long beautiful fingers  
hover above me.  
Casual touches that brands into memories  
of getting a touch.  
But not a touch  
of the kind I want.  
  
Too subtle  
not grabbing  
holding on to me  
grounding me into  
you.  
  
That's what I want.  
That's what I need.  
That's what I'll never get.  
  
Not with you watching me like that.  
Like I'm lost pet  
craving a soft touch.  
And you laugh at me.  
  
I hate that in you.  
That sense of smell you have  
telling of the weakness in me  
inside me.  
  
You know how to use it   
but never use me like I want you to.  
  
Just a puppet on a string  
for you to play with  
laugh at  
make fun of.  
  
I hate you.  
I lust for you  
  
to touch me  
hold me  
  
give me something.


	11. after...

I woke up with teartracks down my face.  
You've left your memory inside me,  
aching when I sleep and reminding me when I'm awake.  
  
For you it wasn't enough to cut with words so cruel,  
to maime with ignorance and deceit.  
Leaving me none to trust anymore.  
  
I bled my feelings raw, emotions you didn't want  
you didn't deserve.  
  
But foolishness of the heart always has hope  
for a smile and kindness in return.  
But blood on the floor wasn't enough for you,  
my heart as dry as parchment never to fill up again.  
Dry as an empty husk to shatter in the wind.  
  
You've dug everything out,  
everything that was me and put the pieces back all  
... wrong.  
There is nothing left of me here,  
my me.  
Only your me,  
your version of me.  
Tainted and torn, shattered and worn.  
Only memories left, your prints all over.  
Marked with sticky hands,  
greed that took away all I had to offer.  
Now it will always be yours.  
Except you don't want it.  
  
Me is thrown away.  
Not even a backward glance spent  
to see the pieces of someone you wrecked  
as they tumble away in your cold breath,  
icy words and dead hands.  
  
I thought I wanted my pieces back  
but now I'm not sure I'd know what to do with them.  
I have no feeling left,  
no memory longer of what was me before you.  
  
All I am is memories,  
ache and tears in the morning.


	12. schenkt mir dein herzblut...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Hellraiser & then listening to Megaherz while high on painkillers...

Give me your hearts blood  
Open up for me  
  
Greedy fingers inside  
crack you open,  
show me the wounds  
let me touch...  
  
wet, dark and knotted  
  
Give me your pain,  
feed me,  
so I can eat it.  
  
Let me taste.  
Lick the bitter,  
you with an open wound  
bleeding and torn.  
  
Open up for me,  
so I can eat it,  
take it,  
devour the pain.  
  
Make you whole again.


	13. What then...

I dreamt about your skin naked in the glare of a lamp  
about cool metal slabs and you freezing  
so alone because hands in encased in rubber doesn't touch you  
not you  
just the shell left behind  
empty and lifeless  
what you wanted  
no more pain  
no more anguish  
no more hurt for you  
finally the rest you wanted  
  
but us  
where do we go from here  
what do you leave us with  
the tears you wished for  
the visible hurt you asked for  
that you wished to see  
to know that you exist  
that we know you exist  
that we care  
  
what are we to do with all our care when you're not here to see it  
you will never know if we did cry at your funeral  
you'll never know our anger at you leaving us  
because we want you still here  
  
what then  
  
what will we do then  
alone without you  
and no one to tell  
scream  
rage at for leaving us behind  
then we'll have all these feelings but nothing but a cold grave to give them to


	14. Leather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Originally posted 2007-08-16] unbeated poetryporn

  
_Leather_  
  
Leather on my skin,  
bound soft and tight,  
it spreads me more than I want to show.  
Makes me open for the man in front of me,  
his hands burning.  
Heated touch on flesh that's aching, wanting, sweating with need.  
Shivering in anticipation,  
in fear,  
fear that I won't last, hold up to expectations,   
won't perform to his tastes.  
  
But he draws the chill of cool untouched leather across my body,  
tickling, demonstrating, winding me tighter than I thought possible.  
It warms with my skin, wets with my sweat  
and stings on my skin.  
  
Lashes soft, made sharp with movement   
by strong hands and arms I can only see inside my mind.  
My eyes are closed, head down,  
chains holding my weight.  
  
He swings it, melody of leather across the air.  
Soft sounds and sharp stings,  
it wakes my skin in inches.  
  
Yearning, bending, arching, dipping.  
I can feel the sweat dripping down my legs,  
he likes to tease.  
Likes to know I'm crazy for it before it even touches me.  
  
The room is filled with the scent of us,   
salts and fluids and heat across air stained with groans.  
I beg, I yield, and he holds me in the palm of his hand,  
to do with as he fancies  
  
Gave myself freely  
and every second is paid in full,  
desire slated, body spent.


	15. My hungry mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Originally posted on InsaneJournal 2007-08-22] unbetaed for a flist porn request

unnamed experimental poetryporn..

 

kiss my neck  
nibble my ears  
wrap your hand around my throat and squeeze me just a little bit tighter

your body up against mine  
heat and sweat and smooth skin  
your fingertips against my mouth

my hungry mouth that wants your fingers  
suck them and slide my tongue against them  
soft wet gliding against roughened fingertips

my hungry mouth wants your cock  
to taste you deep and slide you along my tongue  
down inside my throat  
stretch my cheeks and bump against my palate  
silky hard wet and taste like life

my hungry mouth wants  
but isn't allowed  
not today

my lips try to grab but you squeeze my chin tighter  
bruise my jaw, bend my neck.  
I hope it shows  
I want my marks tomorrow  
brands of you on my skin  
my lover was here

your jeans ride against my back  
rough against naked needy skin  
and I grind and arch to feel you.  
that hardness you're hiding from me  
enclosed and buttoned up  
not allowed to touch  
not yet

twist my nipples  
squeeze my tits  
they're heavy with want  
empty without finger brands  
lift them - hold them  
sink your mouth on me  
I want it, hot and wet  
kiss me, suck me, bite me

your hand sliding against my belly  
down down, slow as a punishment  
yet you keep teasing  
you like my helpless twisting  
like a worm on a hook

your fingers in my pubic hairs  
pulling  
making my skin redden  
tingle, spark with need  
for your fingers to go lower, deeper  
bend and crook, hook me from the inside

a heavy hand hold me  
slow caress, as you push against me  
ride against my ass  
and it's all a tease with no filling

fingers encasing from the outside  
cupping the wetness, widening my stance  
and tickling fingertips sliding outside,  
rubbing up and down

stoking the fire inside  
circular movements in wet heat  
my hips tries to push and twist  
and you laugh in my ear  
low throaty turned on laughter  
and I moan, flick my tongue against the hand still holding me

shifting hands and opened buttons  
oooooh, hot skin against mine  
naked and hard and wet  
tucked against my back,  
bodies gliding curves  
pushing and rubbing

quick flick of fingers  
make them wet  
sink them inside my mouth  
curl against my tongue  
and I taste myself  
suck you in as if it was something else,  
wishing for a cock heavy on my tongue

lick my nape, bite my neck  
play with my ear as I bend  
like a wilted flower seeking ground  
you trace my spine, beard burn on my shoulders  
mark me like a cat, lover of mine

hand tight on my hip,  
holding me steady as you leave my mouth  
as you trace fingers wet over stiff nipples  
a body aching in lust  
arching desire, your dick tracing wet spirals on my back  
as you move, rub and twist me as you want me  
place me like I'm a doll  
your plaything

I will play for you tonight  
tomorrow you will be mine  
to choose a game of ours  
or rub necks and make out  
soft lips breaking me open and kisses making my toes tingle

now you tell me not to move  
bend me forward and blunt nails against fevered skin  
spreading me open, fingers teasing  
cold slick heated by your hands  
knuckles rubbing, gentle tease  
making me want to suck you in  
enclose your fingers in heated flesh  
needy I am

one two three inside  
steps in gentle stretching  
widening, opening, making me ready for you  
I clutch my hands against the couch  
steady as an earthquake  
as you break me open in moans and shivers  
pearls of sweat gliding down my body  
two pieces coming together with a push and slide

I'm loud, can't keep the noises inside  
cock in my ass, fingers in my cunt  
and a slick hand on my back  
it starts slow  
waves of the ocean  
becoming something fierce and hard and deep  
hips slamming into me,  
legs shaking, ass grinding back and sliding forward  
rubbing against fingers, sliding in me  
clit pinched, rubbed thumb  
fingers hooking me forward  
and I fall

fast and deep and shuddering from my toes to my eyes  
you groan in my ear as you're clenched and squeezed  
inside you push through - pull back  
and its slow molasses  
soft like wet velvet wrapped in silk

sounds in my ear,  
muffled by your lips and teeth in my neck  
your hips stuttering against the curve of my ass as you loose it  
your time to fall, tongue licking marks  
thumb pressing,  
fingers rubbing the itching heat  
prickle of desire all over  
and you take me with you


	16. want dressed in fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [originally posted 2008-11-13 for wrisomifu] unbetaed

a gathered whip  
a broken chain  
two hands tight around the bars  
  
knuckles white and lip bleeding  
marks staining soft white skin  
they fade before his eyes  
  
breath easens  
the heart slows it's galloping stampede  
he hears it all  
  
blood whispering  
adrenaline like streaks in the air  
the smell is ironclad will  
and want dressed in fire


	17. Empty hands..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [originally posted 2009-03-13]

Her hands are empty like the sky,  
watching the world go by  
and wishing for someone to stop and see.  
  
Dressed in her Sunday's best,  
church today and no rest  
for the wicked or the innocent.  
  
They gather up at the church yard,  
she don't belong and tough love is hard,  
(for them) they never let her forget.  
  
  
Looking down to the ground,  
her hair is like a cloak  
hiding underneath it and tries not to choke.  
  
For being invisible, blank to their eyes  
a canvas with no paint.  
But their whispered words are enough to taint.  
  
Maybe this is where her end-stop is  
empty hands and empty heart  
and all her baggage in a cart.


	18. Medusa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [originally posted on my Insanejournal 2007-12-04] sorry for wrecking the Medusa myth, blame it on Blood Ties tv-series

I bury you in my backyard.  
Hold your face and kiss your eyes.  
Empty and unseeing,  
the mischief's gone today  
  
You were a bad nasty boy darling,  
you had that look and we all fell,  
deep into the pretty.  
The sex, the heat and sweat of summernights  
and busy bodies beneath the sheets.  
  
Curled your tongue, winked your eyes,  
cocked your hips and got us beggin'  
to taste, tease and please.  
You had us on our knees.  
  
No matter it was all a lie.  
A flash in the pan  
and we all burned.  
You were the fire and we'd drink our gasoline,  
with a smile on cherry lips.  
  
But you were a curious cat.  
Wandered about dressed in nothing,  
God's gift to wandering eyes,  
looking for mirrors to please.  
  
This house holds no reflections,  
no mirrors to reveal true selves,  
or shine you into stone.  
But you had to look.  
  
And found us you did,  
window images in a dark evening,  
and our faces danced across the glass.  
No chance for you to run,  
surprise forever etched in stone.  
  
The sunshine's gone and  
the shadow makes your body seem colder.  
Marble and sand,  
dark streaks across your shoulder.  
Like a vein still and dead.  
  
You turned around baby,  
you really shouldn't have.  
Now you're buried in my backyard  
because even me  
can't have statues that lifelike.


End file.
